I have missed writing in this space and didn’t realize I went all of April without doing so! I’m a member of Compel training and one of Lysa Terkeurst’s teachings addressed how, as writers and speakers, we must let life happen in order to deliver great content. I spoke several times in April thus most of my energy was poured into writing and speaking at those engagements.
Here is the truth, I wanted to get back into this space and tell you all about what I was up to April. I wanted to share details of the Brave Conference I spoke at and the Revelation Wellness retreat, where I was honored to return and serve as a leader. But something strange happened when I returned home from both of these places and I’m feeling led to write about that instead. Perhaps one day God will allow me time and space to write about both of those events but in the meantime, you can hear my talk at the Brave Conference HERE and learn more about Revelation Wellness HERE.
Now, back to the purpose of this post of me sharing what I experienced when I returned home from both of these events. I felt depressed. I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on with me so I began to talk to God about it yesterday. As I was home with my kids on one of their homeschool days I had a darkness around me that I did not like. It was not me but I couldn’t figure out where it had come from. As I talked to God about this depression he showed me that I have been chasing highs.
What does it mean to chase highs? For me, it means chasing, or looking forward to, the next big thing. My heart broke as I looked back over my life and realized I have spent years looking forward to the next big thing. I’ve longed for the days of excitement. Things that bring me excitement are, but not limited to: speaking engagements, family vacations, parties, new adventures, shopping sprees, doors opening, recognition, feeling seen and valued, increase in finances, decrease in pounds around my midsection. You get the point. I believe this list could go on for a while. But if you notice, my list does not contain things that matter the most to God, like my family, Him and His kingdom.
I am not implying the things I listed are necessarily bad but when they are my source of hope and joy, they go from being a blessing to an idol. My friend Alisa Keeton says “Idols consume you until you reach them, disappoint you when you get them, and devastate you when you lose them.”.
As I sat with the weight of this yesterday my heart broke over the wasted time and energy I have expended chasing these highs (or idols). The good news is that God revealed this to me so he can heal me. When I notice my heart has turned away from my home and God I know my treasure must no longer be there. For the Bible says in Matthew 6:21:
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Where is your treasure today? I speak for myself when I say my treasure has been in chasing highs. But today, I am choosing to draw a line in the sand and say “no more”. I am turning my heart back towards God and my home. I am recognizing that no amount of fame, recognition, money or possessions can fill a hole in my soul only God can fill.
I don’t have all the answers for you today, but I do pray this post challenges you to examine your own heart and life. Do you find yourself dreaming of days when you no longer do mundane activities like cleaning your home and making dinner? I am challenged to view the small, unseen activities of life as blessings, not burdens.
In this together,
P.S. As I went to press “publish” on this post God reminded me that social media does not make walking away from this temptation easy. He gave me a question to ask myself that I want to leave you with today:
Again, I am challenged to re-evaluate my “yes” making sure it’s something God told me to do and not something I am hoping to get high off likes from sharing with the world.