Stop Fixing, Start Loving

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Psalm 145:8

About a week ago, I did a LIVE Facebook video on the fact that I had gained weight. This video was not a rant to freak out nor did I ask for advice on how to lose the weight. But instead, it was me sharing what God spoke to me about my worth as I walk through a season of feeling less than beautiful on the outside. (Yes, I know my Christian friends, it’s what is on the inside that counts. ~~Blah, blah, blah~~)

The next day after I posted the video I felt God ask me to write this blog post. I resisted for about a week because I needed to first remove the plank in my own eye on this topic before I could attempt to draw attention to the speck in others eyes. I know this post may step on some toes but please know that I am not on a soapbox, but rather, in the trenches with you.

The video I am referencing was titled “I gained 10 lbs.!” and has been viewed almost 1000 times. While many people left me kind comments telling me they can relate, there were also several others who sent me private Facebook messages and emails asking if they could fix me. I was offered pills, dieting advice and supplements. While these people meant well, their messages hit me hard, almost confirming what I was battling against in the first place. God had given me a word that my weight was not my worth but these people were challenging that word. They were trying to help me get my shallow worth back, and quick.

Disclaimer: If you were one of the many people who messaged me about how to lose the weight, I am sorry that I did not respond. It was not because I was upset with you it was simply that I received too many messages to keep up with them all.

Now that you know the backstory on this post, let’s talk about why God asked me to bring it into the light. I recently finished reading a book called “How to Stop the Pain” by Dr. James Richards. In this book, one of the things he talked about was how powerful confession is but we don’t see it much in the church these days because, unfortunately, the church rushes to fix and condemn rather than extend grace and love. There is a place for helping, or fixing, but we must first stop and love on people.

Side note: If you are someone who has confided in the church and been crushed or condemned, I am so sorry. Please know that even if someone you encountered in the church did not respond in love that God always has his arms open wide, ready for you to return home.

While Facebook is anything but the church, when I came and “confessed” to my friends about my weight struggles and what the Lord is teaching me in them, I was surrounded by fixers. Very few people extended grace and love. Very few people actually heard the real message I was speaking. Again, they were well-meaning, but they didn’t really listen. I was not looking for advice on losing weight but instead, I was taking a step into my freedom and wanted to know if anyone would join me.

I have spent too much of my life in bondage to my looks. They have kept me up at night, I have spent excess money and energy on them and they have kept me from pursuing my God-given dreams. For the first time in my life, when I discovered I had gained weight, instead of going on a starving spree, I ran to the Father. I let him hold me. I let him tell me the truth about my worth. Then I told some friends (granted a rather large group of friends on Facebook) and I brought it out of the darkness and into the light.

If you too are fighting for your freedom in this area of your appearance (it may not be weight but perhaps ageing, sickness, infertility, etc) I believe what the Lord spoke to me will speak to you too. I am not here to fix you but I am here to give you a place to process your feelings to the Lord. This is a safe place, my friends.

Four things God said to me when I discovered I had gained weight:

Your weight is not your worth.
Get REAL with yourself and others. Numbers do not define you but they do give us insight into how we are stewarding our temple and finances. (And no, I am not advocating for weighing in on the daily. There are many other more accurate ways to measure but that is not the focus or point of this post).
Step into the light. Bring whatever you are struggling with into the light by telling a trusted friend, spouse or counselor.
Let HIS Love wash over you.
Seek wise counsel. I added this one since doing the video so it’s technically not in the four things I shared but felt it was necessary to add here. There is a time and place for wise counsel but the person should be seeking us out, rather than us imposing our unwanted opinions on them. We must have an invitation into someone’s heart and life before we offer our advice.

In the video, I shared that as I opened my notebook that afternoon I found a love letter written to me from God. I think it will bless you too:

I see you. I love watching you when you wake and when you lie down. Every step you take is beautiful. I hand crafted you in your mothers womb. Every day of your life is numbered by me. I look forward to watching you walk boldly in your one of a kind destiny. I have a righteous anger when the enemy lies to you, my daughter, about your beauty. Stop trying to conform into the world’s image of beauty and start conforming into me. You are beautiful in me, daughter.

Keeping things #real,

Rachael Joy

P.S. If you would like to view that video, you can see it here:

5 Comments

Brenda on October 20, 2017 at 12:00 am

Rachael, you are beautiful, bold & courageous. May you continue to speak truth to the world that so desperately needs freedom ❤️

Rachael Gilbert on October 20, 2017 at 5:49 pm

Thank you, Brenda!

Michelle on October 20, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Rachael, I left be your heart. The Lord has also been dealing with me about my outward appearance lately. Illness has led to weight gain and that has led to me not wanting to be in any family pictures. I had to look for something for a work project that needed a photo of me and I realized there weren’t any. My husband then told me once again how he felt about that. I knew I had to change the way I looked at myself. I am so thankful to say that I am a work in progress. I have come so far over the last few months. I, too, know everything to do but it isn’t really about the number on the scale. It is about how I see myself and how God sees me. I need to see myself how He sees me no matter the number on the scale.

Thank you for sharing your heart and being so vulnerable.

Rachael Gilbert on October 20, 2017 at 5:47 pm

I’m so glad it spoke to you, Michelle! In this journey with you.

Allison on October 22, 2017 at 2:49 pm

I really love point 2. Over the years, and the addition of many pounds, my number threshold has continued to go up. You bank account analogy put it into perspective. I do ignore it because I don’t want to see that I’m now WAY in the red. I also know that I’ll never be at my high school weight, but I never stopped to ask God what my new reality should be. I have lost a lot of weight and when I got there it wasn’t enough bc it wasn’t back to my hs weight. I have since gained that back and more. I’ve recently had some words from God and I shared those with a friend (who in turn shared your post with me). Coming to terms with my relationship with food is a process. I’m learning and seeking, but still haven’t made that first step to make a change. I don’t want a quick fix or a diet. I want to do this God’s way. I want my plan of action to be a direct alignment with God. What woke me up was that I had been praying for willpower to overcome this addiction to food and have the willpower to resist what wasn’t good for me. As I laid in bed one night God brought the word willpower into the light for me. It hit me that willpower meant “in my power”. I grabbed my phone and looked up the word willpower and it hit me that I had been praying for this all wrong. God convicted me right there and tears rolled down my face as I felt so dumb to think that I could control my eating and that willpower was the end all/be all. I had left the power of the Holy Spirit out of my pleadings for help. I now know that this is a journey that God is calling me to to walk with him to see that aside from Him I can do nothing. He wants to help me so that the glory is all pointing back to Him and not me! He knows how I, as human, want the approval of my human friends. The “look at me and what I accomplished”, “let me tell you how I did it so you can be like me and do it too”. His way is much better and much sweeter and when this journey comes to fruition I can say, “look at God and how gracious He is and how strong He is, and how He can help you too”!

Brenda on October 20, 2017 at 12:00 am

Rachael, you are beautiful, bold & courageous. May you continue to speak truth to the world that so desperately needs freedom ❤️
- Rachael Gilbert on October 20, 2017 at 5:49 pm
  
  Thank you, Brenda!
Michelle on October 20, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Rachael, I left be your heart. The Lord has also been dealing with me about my outward appearance lately. Illness has led to weight gain and that has led to me not wanting to be in any family pictures. I had to look for something for a work project that needed a photo of me and I realized there weren’t any. My husband then told me once again how he felt about that. I knew I had to change the way I looked at myself. I am so thankful to say that I am a work in progress. I have come so far over the last few months. I, too, know everything to do but it isn’t really about the number on the scale. It is about how I see myself and how God sees me. I need to see myself how He sees me no matter the number on the scale.

Thank you for sharing your heart and being so vulnerable.
- Rachael Gilbert on October 20, 2017 at 5:47 pm
  
  I’m so glad it spoke to you, Michelle! In this journey with you.
Allison on October 22, 2017 at 2:49 pm

I really love point 2. Over the years, and the addition of many pounds, my number threshold has continued to go up. You bank account analogy put it into perspective. I do ignore it because I don’t want to see that I’m now WAY in the red. I also know that I’ll never be at my high school weight, but I never stopped to ask God what my new reality should be. I have lost a lot of weight and when I got there it wasn’t enough bc it wasn’t back to my hs weight. I have since gained that back and more. I’ve recently had some words from God and I shared those with a friend (who in turn shared your post with me). Coming to terms with my relationship with food is a process. I’m learning and seeking, but still haven’t made that first step to make a change. I don’t want a quick fix or a diet. I want to do this God’s way. I want my plan of action to be a direct alignment with God. What woke me up was that I had been praying for willpower to overcome this addiction to food and have the willpower to resist what wasn’t good for me. As I laid in bed one night God brought the word willpower into the light for me. It hit me that willpower meant “in my power”. I grabbed my phone and looked up the word willpower and it hit me that I had been praying for this all wrong. God convicted me right there and tears rolled down my face as I felt so dumb to think that I could control my eating and that willpower was the end all/be all. I had left the power of the Holy Spirit out of my pleadings for help. I now know that this is a journey that God is calling me to to walk with him to see that aside from Him I can do nothing. He wants to help me so that the glory is all pointing back to Him and not me! He knows how I, as human, want the approval of my human friends. The “look at me and what I accomplished”, “let me tell you how I did it so you can be like me and do it too”. His way is much better and much sweeter and when this journey comes to fruition I can say, “look at God and how gracious He is and how strong He is, and how He can help you too”!