This week on Real Talk with Rachael I’m talking with Dr. Juli Slattery. Juli is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional with over twenty-five years of experience counseling, and teaching women. She’s the president and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, a unique ministry devoted to teaching God’s design for intimacy and sexuality. In 2020, Juli launched SexualDiscipleship.com, a platform designed to help Christian leaders navigate sexual issues and questions with gospel-centered truth. She hosts a weekly podcast, Java with Juli, where she answers tough questions about relationships, marriage, and spiritual, emotional, and sexual intimacy.
Key Points from Our Conversation:
- Women don’t understand how to use their power. Understanding healthy marriage means understanding how to use our power constructively and how we often use it destructively.
- A wife’s biggest challenge is wanting to husband to lead, but wanting him to lead the way she wants him to lead. When we direct his actions, we’re not helping develop leadership in him. “Men grow when they’re encouraged, given a vision of who they’ll become, and when they don’t fear failure.”
- You can help empower your husband by establishing you’ve got his back through failure. Use teamwork language – “we” instead of “I”. Most of the time almost every decision is less important than how you make the decision. Be more concerned about your marriage than getting everything right.
- A wife’s power comes from what the other person needs. God designed it that way. Men have 3 basic needs – to feel like their wife believes in them despite their weaknesses, their wife’s help (insight, accountability, etc.), and sexual intimacy.
- We often misuse our power out of fear or anger. Instead of encouraging our husbands to be who they are, we want to determine how things are done. It’s controlling and manipulative and makes him make decisions based on fear of our response.
- God designed sex to be powerful and intimate. It exposes us. It taps into shame and self-worth. It’s a spiritual battleground. That’s why it’s worth fighting for. Get God’s perspective of sex. Pray together about your sex life and consider going to counseling.
- “Anything close to the heart of God is constantly under attack from the enemy.”
- Common sexual barriers include differences in desire, physical issues, or infertility. Get help for physical issues. Look for someone who has expertise in sexual functioning like a pelvic floor specialist or Christian sex therapist.
- Healthy conflict within marriage is good. It’s how individuals navigate their differences. Fighting is “you against me” and “you have to see it my way.” It happens when we are triggered and we go in self-protection mode instead of determining how to get on the same page.
Let’s Get Real Practical:
It’s no secret that the enemy hates marriage. This week I’m challenging you to fight for your marriage. Ask God these 2 questions – What area of my marriage is the enemy attacking? How can I partner with you to fight for my marriage?
How to Communicate Effectively with Your Spouse or Loved Ones – a one-page document with 6 easy steps to communicate your thoughts and feelings you can use in any tough conversation.