This week on Real Talk with Rachael I’m talking with author Mattie Jackson Selecman about her new book Lemons on Friday: Trusting God Through My Greatest Heartbreak. Mattie is a certified sommelier and previously owned a wine bar in Nashville. She also has a degree in creative writing from the University of Tennessee. Tragically, she lost her husband of less than a year, Ben Selecman, in September 2018 after he suffered a traumatic brain injury while on vacation in Florida. Despite her grief, Mattie is pushing forward and has dedicated herself to helping others. Mattie and her business partner, Brooke Tometich, started a philanthropic merchandise brand dubbed “NaSHEville” in order to help women and children in need—specifically orphans, widows, and trafficked women.
Key Points from Our Conversation:
- The most helpful question for Mattie wasn’t “what do you need?” It was “would this be helpful?” If a loved one is grieving, ask if they’d like to talk about it or if they’d like to hear about your life as an escape from their pain.
- So many people wrestle with why terrible things happen, but whether it was an accident or “God’s plan,” either is hard to reconcile. Fight it out with God. If he doesn’t give you an answer, pray to trust Him anyway. Don’t pretend you’re okay if you’re not. In the grappling with God, you’ll see His tenderness.
- Understanding why something happened isn’t what will heal you; healing comes from trusting that God is good and sovereign.
- Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to build a foundation of faith. Create a daily rhythm. Learn about Jesus, read the gospels.
- Time is not the one thing that’s gonna heal you – Jesus is the one thing that can heal you. Time helped Mattie learn what her hurt looked like and gave her tools to help manage her grief to become less debilitating. With time, you start to learn how to relate to it.
- Find one thing that would nourish your soul each day – prayer, a walk, etc. – and honor those things. Your heart comes back together slowly and it takes different things on different days. Invite the people you trust in.