This week on Real Talk with Rachael I’m chatting with author Gary Thomas about his book Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life. Gary is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas, and an adjunct faculty member teaching on spiritual formation at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon, and Houston Theological Seminary in Houston, Texas. He is the author of 20 books, including When to Walk Away, Sacred Pathways, Cherish, and Sacred Marriage (over one million copies sold). He has a master’s degree from Regent College and was awarded an honorary doctorate in divinity from Western Seminary. Gary has spoken in 49 states and 10 different countries.

Key Points from Our Conversation:

  • Healthy sex should include 3 main components – it should be mutually pleasurable, affirm the relationship, and honor God.
  • “It’s very different when you use sex to cherish your spouse rather than using your spouse to cherish sex.”
  • The first toward redirecting unhealthy sex is to find out what’s not working. It may be theological, relational, physical, or creative.
  • The Bible celebrates the sexual relationship between husband and wife in Song of Songs. It’s a gift from God that provides pleasure, creates life, and bonds us relationally.
  • For sex to thrive it has to be mutually pleasurable. There is nothing sinful or selfish about wanting to experience pleasure – God designed your body for it.
  • Common “sexpecations” – Because you love each other sex will be amazing. You’ll always desire your spouse sexually. Sex will always be easy. Sex is primarily for men.
  • All five senses create their own sense of sexual pleasure. By being intentional about these areas, you can create a different kind of sexual experience.

Let’s Get Real Practical:

There are only two practical steps for you to follow this week – buy Married Sex then read and discuss it with your spouse.

Resources Mentioned:

Debra Fileta

Episode Sponsor:

How to Communicate Effectively with Your Spouse or Loved Ones – a one-page document with 6 easy steps to communicate your thoughts and feelings you can use in any tough conversation.

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