This week on Real Talk with Rachael I’m chatting with someone whose words changed my life, Dannah Gresh. Dannah is the founder of True Girl, bringing moms and daughters closer to each other and closer to Jesus, and co-host of the Revive Our Hearts podcast. Dannah has authored over 27 books including And the Bride Wore White, Lies Young Women Believe (with Nancy Leigh DeMoss) and Lies Girls Believe. More than 20,000 leaders and 100,000 moms have taught her curriculum and over 500,000 people have attended her live events and retreats. Dannah and her husband, Bob, live on a hobby farm in central Pennsylvania. They have four adult children and four grandchildren.
Key Points from Our Conversation:
- Dannah wrote Happily Even After about her and her husband’s experience after he revealed an addiction to pornography – a more common problem than we typically believe, even in established marriages.
- It’s easy to be upset with our spouse’s actions, but they’re often not personal, rather they are a coping mechanism learned in childhood. Sexual addiction can be as addictive as drugs because of the way our brains respond to the stimulant.
- Shame will wreak havoc in our relationships. James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” If you want true intimacy in your relationship, it will require facing hard truths.
- As Christians, we believe that our marriage should reflect Jesus’ love for the church. We are uniquely that picture when we choose to play the role of Jesus in forgiving our spouse.
- When we seek comfort through “forbidden fruits” like porn, drinking, or overeating, it’s an alert that we are not finding our satisfaction in Christ. Find a Christian counselor to talk to and dig out the root of the lie that you’re choosing to believe and hold it to the truth of Jesus.
- Sometimes it takes setting hard boundaries in order for people to recognize the depth of their actions and the effect they’re having on others.
- If you are in a relationship that is affected by a pornography addiction or infidelity, you are not alone. Though you do need to give grace while setting difficult boundaries, you also have to tend to your own heart. If you are waiting on your spouse to heal you’re heart, you’ve got things out of order – only God can heal you.
- One essential truth your relationship will need to survive is that trust is a gift you choose to give. It can be built by consistent action over time, but ultimately you must choose trust.
Let’s Get Real Practical:
If you’re holding on to a sexual secret, get help from a professional so that you can be set free.