It’s no secret in this online space that I have struggled with eating disorders (if you haven’t listened to the series I did on Biblical Body Image where I shared my testimony, go listen to episode 32 on my podcast).
A few nights ago when the reality of this Coronavirus began to hit, I noticed myself regressing and thinking of disordered eating behaviors I wanted to practice (primarily binging and extreme deprivation).
As I laid in bed that night, I cried out to God to help me overcome these thoughts and urges.
When I asked what was at the root I heard him clearly state,
“Rachael, it’s always been about control”.
It’s a known fact that eating disorders often (not always) come from wanting to control something.
For the first time, I saw how my desire to control was at the root of my history with eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
But being in the middle of a crisis triggered my fears and brought those behaviors to the surface.
My sinful nature was to turn to something I knew I could control in my body.
What do you try to control?
We all have something that gives us a sense of control. For some, it’s earning more money. For others, it involves attempting to manipulate and control people in our sphere of influence.
When God revealed to me that the root of my disordered eating was an issue of control, I felt an immediate release. Instead of trying to cling to something I could control momentarily, I released all control to God.
My friends, I am confident when I say that God is still in control.
We do not need to lay awake at night in fear of what is to come.
God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His loving-kindness never ceases.
Release control and receive God’s comfort.
In it with you,
I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. John 14:27